Dated January 10, 2017

[seveninches]

It had seemed like a good enough way to kick off the new year. The flying monkey bat things at Kagura on New Years Eve had been fun, had given Isabelle cause to get her whip out again, but it wasn't quite the same. It was a relatively easy fight, nothing like the kind of high she gets when fighting demons. Which is why it hadn't taken long for her to ask Alec to go out, and he had readily agreed. Isabelle knows she can always count on Alec to be behind her in a fight, and she knows that on some level, even he gets restless in this city.

The night starts off normally enough. They both armed themselves, dressed in their gear and headed out. Demons were starting to appear less frequently in Darrow but they still cropped up on the odd occasion, and Isabelle was glad that tonight appears to be one of them. Her necklace hummed at her throat and together they followed it to the edge of the city, their footsteps silent on the street.

The demon, once they found it, was particularly horrible. Every time she sees a new one Isabelle thinks they can't possibly get any grosser, but they always seem to find a way to surpass her expectations. It looked like a giant slug, its body covered in rows upon rows of suckers that Isabelle had no intention of finding out the purpose of. It was faceless, or eyeless at the least, but on both ends was a gaping mouth with rimmed with what looked like shark's teeth. Its back was lined with sharp, dagger-looking wings, more of them than Isabelle could count. Isabelle cast a quick glance towards Alec, but he was stony-faced, an arrow already nocked.

The demon lunged at them quickly, and Isabelle was surprised with the speed at which it moved, considering its lumbering size. She dodged and it missed her narrowly enough that she felt its breath hot and disgusting, saw yellow drool dripping from its mouth. Isabelle flung her whip out but Alec was faster, embedding an arrow in the demon's mouth. It reared back and Alec shot again at the same time as Isabelle brought her whip down, feeling it cut through layers of demon flesh. Demon ichor sprayed out and Isabelle almost gagged at the smell. She'd need a hardcore rune to get the smell and stains out of her gear later, but for now that hardly mattered.

"Alec, move!" she shouted as the demon went for him, obviously in pain but not about to give up yet. Alec backed up a little, arrow after arrow flying from his bow and thudding into the demon's flesh, but it kept moving. Gritting her teeth, Isabelle raced forward and brought her whip down in a flash with all her strength. The demon sliced in half, shuddering and twitching and hissing in pain. Isabelle grimaced and glanced toward Alec to make sure it hadn't touched him. She was only distracted for half a second but the demon writhed and gave one last lunge, sinking sharp teeth into her leg. Isabelle screamed, bringing her whip down hard and forcing it to release her, but she could feel herself collapsing at the same time. She fell back, dimly hearing Alec shout her name but she was already drifting, her breathing coming in sharp bursts, her eyes slipping closed.

And she remembered. There had been a time almost exactly like this, she knew. Not in Darrow but home, in Hell, of all places. She remembers the stink of the air, how hard it was to breathe under the suffocating weight of it. She remembers Alec, heartbroken and so determined to find Magnus. She remembers the desperation in Clary's eyes, the fierceness in Jace's. She remembers them all marching in to Hell to save their friends, knowing that there was a good chance none of them would come back.

Isabelle convulses on the ground and she knows Alec is there, calling to her, but she's stuck, watching flashes of thoughts and memories that she doesn't remember having racing through her mind. She remembers Sebastian, his disguise gone and his hair as silver as Valentine's, his eyes cruel. And she remembers Max, remembers the way he looked at her the last time she saw him, remembers going to his funeral and feeling like a part of her soul had been torn out. She might die here, she thinks idly, but that seems suddenly to matter far less in the shadow of the knowledge that Max died first, that it was her who was supposed to protect him and she failed.

Slowly she comes to, fuelled back to consciousness by the pain in her leg. It doesn't make any sense but she knows that the memories are real, knows that it's the piece of the puzzle she's been missing this whole time, the piece that Magnus had so carefully kept hidden from them.


ooc: Isabelle has been canon updated to near the end of the TMI series: this comes with the knowledge that her baby brother died, among other things. Trace if you want to play from here I'm down with it, otherwise anyone can feel free to come upon the scene or find her at any time later, where she'll more than likely have locked herself in her room. I'm open to whatever is convenient for your pups, though. Twitter me if any questions <3

Comments

[deflectere]

Alec was going to cover her body with iratzes if he had to. He hadn't stopped since she'd fallen, her strings cut like a puppets. He skidded to a stop next to her, feeling the rocks dig into his knees, smelling the stink of a dead demon in his nose. It all didn't matter. Nothing mattered if Isabelle didn't open her eyes.

He was a minute away from calling Magnus and begging him to come out here, to use his magic to help when Isabelle's eyes opened and focused. He cradled her face with a hand, trying to coax her all the way back.

"Isabelle. Izzy. Iz, look at me," he breathed, trying to keep his voice steady. If he got upset, she'd hear it and he didn't want her concern right now. "Please, say something. Are you all right?"

[seveninches]

Isabelle opens her eyes and immediately sees Alec hovering over her. She never expected anything less. Dimly, she's aware of his stele moving on her skin, knows he's covering her with as many iratzes as he can fit on her skin. She can feel them but the effects seem weak in comparison to the poison in the demon bite. Simon, she thinks with a flash of clarity. Simon saved her. But that was back home, and she's sure she's in Darrow. She doesn't know how she suddenly has two sets of memories warring in her brain but one thing comes to the forefront as soon as she can think.

"Max," she says, looking up at Alec desperately. Max. How could she have left him? How could she have let Sebastian lay a finger on him? Her first priority was to protect him and she failed, and instead she had to bury him.

Isabelle grips Alec's arm. She doesn't know how to make him understand that she's seen things and she knows they're true, even if she can't explain how. "Alec, I saw home," she says, gritting her teeth through the pain in her leg.

[deflectere]

"Max isn't here," Alec said, tone verging on frantic now. Her being awake was a good sign but that poison was going to work its way into her system if he didn't do something fast. He brushed her hair back tenderly and checked her eyes, checked to see if see if she was lucid or just babbling now.

"You sound like you might have been dreaming or -- " Could you dream while you were unconscious? Alec didn't know but he didn't care. "We're in Darrow. Not in Manhattan."

He moved then, reaching for her leg and wincing as his hands came away bloodied from the wound. He felt around, trying to probe for any stingers or barbs that might have been left in the injury. "Stay with me. Please."

[seveninches]

No, Max isn't here, that's exactly the problem. He's not understanding her which is frustrating, but the heartache is more prominent, a screaming in her chest that dulls any of the pain in her leg. He thinks she's going crazy, thinks she's hallucinating, that much is clear from the way he treats her. Isabelle shakes her head at him, squeezing his arm a little tighter and blinking through the haze.

"I know where we are," she insists. They're in Darrow, but she'd also been in Manhattan. She'd seen it, she knows it was real. "But I saw it," she protests. She winces a little as he prods at her leg but she supposes the fact that she can feel it at all is a good sign.

Isabelle shifts, trying to prop herself up a little better so that he might take her seriously. She knows she's been injured and she's in pain and she probably seems groggy as all hell, but she knows what she saw and she needs him to understand. "I couldn't save him, Alec," she says, forcing the words out even as they threaten to choke her. "I couldn't save Max."

[deflectere]

"Isabelle, the bite -- it's making you delirious," Alec said, cradling her leg gently. He can't be sure if there's venom in her bloodstream but it's almost a certainty when it comes to demons. The iratzes would help slow the venom but only a warlock -- only Magnus -- was going to be able to stop it from affecting her.

"Max is fine," he said, trying to ignore the nausea that her words were causing. Max was fine. Max was in New York, safe and sound. Isabelle had been bitten and she wasn't fine and she was seeing things or dreaming things. "You're not. You need to hold still, okay? Don't move so much."

[sidestepdestiny]

I texted Isabelle yesterday to ask her to dinner to thank her for her help at New Years, something to make up for being a drunken, hungry mess, but she never answers. I texted her again earlier today, but still nothing. Normally I wouldn't worry, except that Isabelle loves to text and it's usually me who's the one replying late.

My first thought is that she's disappeared, but I heard that when you disappear your phone goes out of service, and my texts definitely go through. I consider calling, or asking Alec if something's going on, but in the end I simply show up at her apartment.

I press the buzzer for her apartment, hoping she's home and okay.

[seveninches]

Her phone had been going off nonstop. It's been two days and Isabelle thinks she's received more text messages than she's ever had. She ignores them all, until the buzzing becomes so frustrating that she throws her phone against the wall with considerable strength, watching as it cracks into several pieces.

That fixes that problem, but it's about the only problem Isabelle can fix. Everything else is a mess and Isabelle can't fix any of it, which is why she's decided the best course of action is to lock herself in her room forever. Her leg is bandaged up and just about healed with the aid of a bit of magic, but that doesn't even compare to everything else. Max is dead, her baby brother, the one person in the entire world who never deserved any of it.

She's been replaying it over in her mind for days, trying to remember his face as it was the last time she saw him. She keeps remembering Sebastian, remembers him bringing that hammer down on her head, and trying to work out all the ways she could have overpowered him. It was her job to fight people like him and protect people like her brother. She's had one job her entire life and she failed, and because of that Max died.

There's a buzzing, and Isabelle stares at the mess of her phone with a mixture of resentment and confusion before she realises that it's the door. There's no way. She hasn't moved from her bed in two days and she has no intention of doing so now. There's the risk that it's Alec who has a stele and can open her door regardless, or Billy who might just turn into Shazam and knock the damn thing down. Or, there's a good chance she didn't remember to lock it at all with the way her mind has been, but she doesn't care. If she ignores it long enough, they'll go away.

[sidestepdestiny]

I really want to make sure something horrible hasn't happened, so when no one answers the buzzer I magic the lobby door open. I walk through the lobby and take the elevator to the eighth floor. When I get to her apartment door I pause, because I can hear a heartbeat inside. It doesn't sound frenetic or abnormal. I assume it to be Isabelle's, but I have no way of knowing. I can smell her, but it's her apartment, so of course it's going to smell like her.

Maybe she's just asleep.

I knock on her apartment door and call inside. "Isabelle? It's Baz."

[seveninches]

Baz, then. Isabelle looks at the door, considers opening it, and decides against it. She's still in her pyjamas and her hair is a mess. She's not wearing any makeup and she's sure her face is tear-stained and horrible besides, so there's no way Baz is seeing her like this. There's no way anyone is seeing her like this, not until she can collect herself and paint herself up like nothing is wrong.

She hunches down in her covers and refuses to open the door. Baz is stubborn and there's a good chance he'll come in anyway, but she's not going to make it that easy for him. It was like this back home, too, after she found out, and she remembers that now. Remembers everything that she should have known from the start, the secrets upon secrets that Magnus has kept from her for over a year. She doesn't know how he managed to hold it in, how he managed to laugh with her and smile and continue to live their lives when Max's ended so abruptly.

[notaretriever]

He smells the blood first, Alec and Isabelle second, the demon last. He's already too late to prevent any injuries, he knows that long before he reaches them, but when he does, Isabelle seems stable and she's conscious, which is a good thing to see. Alec has gone to get help, of that Luke is certain, and he's sure if that's the case, Isabelle is unable to walk on her own.

"Isabelle," he says and he's only half changed, but he's prepared for anything, his ears tuned to hear the slightest movement that doesn't come from one of them. If she's been hurt, there's nothing in this world that will keep Luke from tearing apart anything that tries to make matters worse.

"Isabelle," he says again, dropping into a crouch beside her. "Alec's gone to get help, but I'm here now. He'll be back right away, I'm sure, and we'll get you home. We'll get you somewhere safe." They might need Magnus for this.

[seveninches]

She's moved enough to prop herself up against a wall, her leg sprawled in front of her. Alec had gone for help, probably for Magnus, but she almost hopes he doesn't find him. She can feel the poison in the demon bite despite the countless iratzes Alec has covered her in and some part of her wants it to win. Max died and so she doesn't deserve to live, not when she was the one who was supposed to save him. She was the only one who was there, the only one who could have known, but she wasn't good enough. Wasn't a good enough sister to save him, not a good enough Shadowhunter to fight Sebastian. Not a good enough Shadowhunter to fight even this demon, apparently, but she supposes if she has to go out, this is fitting enough.

She'd let her eyes fall mostly closed but she forces them open when she hears Luke. She can sense him without needing to be able to see him. He feels more werewolf than normal which means he's half changed, and Isabelle forces her eyes to focus so that she can see him.

Isabelle shakes her head. "No," she protests. Alec has gone to get help because that's what Alec does, but she doesn't want help, she doesn't want somewhere safe. "He died, Luke," she mutters, because that's all she can think about, the only thing that she can bring herself to say.

[notaretriever]

The words send a sharp spike of fear straight into Luke's heart and although he doesn't leave Isabelle's side, he does sit up a little straighter, lets himself sink deeper into his transformation, more wolf than man for a moment, and he listens. There, in the distance and growing fainter, is Alec's heartbeat. Going to get Magnus most likely, heading away from them, but still very clearly alive.

"No," he says, slipping back toward himself. His eyes are still yellow and he's still paying careful attention to the world around them just in case something comes back. "Alec is fine, Isabelle. Just like you're going to be."

There must be some kind of poison at work to make her think something like that and he reaches out, taking her hand. "I won't let anything happen to either of you."

[seveninches]

Isabelle shakes her head again. He doesn't understand. Alec is fine but Max isn't, her poor baby brother, the most innocent of all of them. It should have been her, it should have been anyone except Max. He'd been so young.

"Max," she says, the word coming out strangled. She won't lose it here, not on the ground with Luke watching her. She won't lose it because she can't afford to, but she needs him to understand what she saw. She needs to know if it was real, though she knows Luke doesn't remember everything either.

He takes her hand and she shudders a little, blinking away the threat of tears. "I was supposed to protect him, and Sebastian killed him."

[priordivergence]

We were supposed to meet at the gym today but Izzy's not there. She's never not been there once we've agreed to meet. My stomach turns and I'm trying to ease the fearful hysteria in my chest. I can't stand thinking of another lost friend, another disappearance.

I don't mean to, but I walk fast down her hallway and then faster until I'm running to her door. "Isabelle?" I ask, knocking on the door.

[seveninches]

Isabelle hears the frantic knocking on the door, followed by Tris's voice. She wonders why she's here, whether someone has told her to come. Alec might have but Isabelle doesn't expect he's talking to anyone right now, either. She can still see the way his face had almost collapsed in on itself when she told him what she saw, the way he had to struggle to keep himself upright. She knows the feeling exactly because it's the same feeling that's tearing its way through her insides.

She's in bed, her leg just about recovered, but she has no plans of moving even when its properly healed. She knows she looks a mess in pyjamas and no make up and her eyes red raw with crying, but that's fine because she has absolutely no intention of seeing anyone. Maybe ever.

If she doesn't answer, maybe Tris will leave. She's one of Isabelle's only friends in the world but she knows she'll absolutely lose it if she has to try and speak normally to anyone right now, so it's better if she doesn't.

[priordivergence]

"Isabelle?" I ask and I hate myself a little for the note of panic in my voice. She can't be gone. I don't want her to be gone. It doesn't matter that I have no real power over these things, I suddenly think that I have to keep knocking. If I give up and leave then that will mean she really is gone.

"Isabelle?" I say again. "I–Don't make me climb in through the window!"

I could do it. A second-floor apartment isn't even much of a challenge.

I'm getting hysterical. I know I am.

[seveninches]

Tris is shouting at her, louder now, and dimly Isabelle registers the note of fear in her voice. She remembers Tris telling her about Four, about Christina, about all the people that have left her. She closes her eyes for a moment, breathing hard. She lost her brother but she doesn't want to hear the pain in Tris's voice, either. She considers for a long moment before she calls out, her voice a little raw.

"I'm here," she calls out to the door. It's not necessarily an invitation to come in, meant more to assure Tris that she hasn't disappeared. She should be home but she's still in Darrow, trying to piece everything together.

If she weren't so wrapped up in her own head she might recognise how unfair it is to make Tris worry like that. But Max is dead and so none of that matters right now.

[high_warlock]

After a short, painful conversation with Alec, Magnus went straight away to find Isabelle. His mind was a flurry of concerns and worries, not the least of which how Isabelle would react to him now that she knew the truth that he had been hiding all this time. He should have been focused solely on healing her -- and he would, once he got to her. There was no use in trying to theorize what poison could be coursing through her veins when he didn't have any idea what kind of demon had even attacked her, and the sound of Alec's anguished voice echoed in his head as he ran across the street to the place where Isabelle had fallen.

He fell to his knees beside her, setting aside a messenger bag full of potions, and immediately began examining her with magic. And talking, because he was nervous as hell and concerned at the same time.

"You're going to be okay, Isabelle. Just try to stay with me. I need you to stay conscious, okay?"

[seveninches]

Alec has sent her Magnus. She'd known dimly that he'd gone somewhere, but she didn't have the heart or energy to try and work out where. Her mind is still reeling with images from home, things she should have been there to stop, things she just wasn't good enough to stop. Magnus is talking to her but Isabelle ignores him, not caring whether he tends to her leg or not. There had been no magical healing for Max, left to die scared and alone.

The bite must be bad, she thinks. She's only ever heard that note of concern in Magnus's voice once before, when he was hovering over a near-dead Alec. A Greater Demon had almost killed her brother, but Magnus had brought him back from the brink. She wonders if she's that close to it, decides it doesn't matter.

"Magnus, don't," she says, though she doesn't really even know what she means. There's a small part of her that wants him to leave her, let her die so that she can see Max. But she's still Isabelle and she's still a Shadowhunter and the instinct to live is still more powerful, so she doesn't stop him.

[high_warlock]

"Oh, Magnus, don't strain yourself on my account, you great, grand warlock who shouldn't trouble himself with Shadowhunters, especially ones that won't pay him? I know, I know." The bravado that he had set aside, at least among his close friends, for the past year and a half came back easily, protecting him, and maybe Isabelle, from the implication in her words. He played as if he didn't understand her meaning, which in part he didn't. Didn't she want to be healed? Or did she not want him to touch her?

"But I myself want to keep you around Isabelle, for my own personal enjoyment. There's no altruism here, just pure selfishness. So lay back and let me work." His brow twitched now, as he spoke, as he narrowed in on the nature of the poison in her veins, how far it had spread, how quickly. Keeping one hand, pulsing with magic, over her wound, he rummaged around in his bag loudly. After a few moments, he located a long phial filled with a clear liquid, tiny flecks of something gold floating through it.

"Can you drink this?" She was prone and might need help sitting up, but he wanted to keep his magic in place fighting the poison.

[seveninches]

"I'm not paying you," she says, and she means it to come out a little mocking but her voice just sounds distant even to her, through a haze. There's no pain in her leg but Isabelle knows enough to know that's not necessarily a good sign. Still, Magnus's words protect her like a shield, putting up a block of sarcasm between her and the grief that's threatening to break her down. It's exactly what she needs, and Magnus has always been good at that.

He says he's selfish, and Isabelle remembers with sudden clarity that he came to Darrow from a different point in time, much further in their future. Whatever she's just experienced, Magnus already knows it all, has known it for over a year. She does lay back and let him work, but there's a sharp sting of betrayal at the knowledge that he's kept everything from her, whether for her and Alec's protection or his own.

He hands her some potion and Isabelle nods. Magnus apparently has a habit of breaching her trust lately but she still trusts that he isn't trying to kill her. She shifts herself into a more upright position, wincing a little, and takes the phial off him to drink it.

[sayshazam]

Billy didn't worry when Izzy wasn't able to text him all day yesterday. Sometimes they would spend an entire day texting to each other before they hung out and sometimes they were so busy they couldn't hardly text at all. Between work, school, and being superheroes they were pretty busy people.

He didn't even worry when she didn't text at all before lunch the next day, although he really missed her. Plus he wasn't sure if he should text her again because he didn't want to be a nagging boyfriend.

As the day went on though Billy had a creeping fear that something was wrong. He tried to brush it off, like it was just him being nervous because he'd had so many people leave on him, but that didn't really help. In fact it made him freak out even more. So bad that when he was finally done with school he actually tried calling Izzy, only she didn't pick up.

That was kind of good, because if she had disappeared her phone would just be disconnected. So this meant she was in Darrow but... just not taking his calls? That also pretty much sucked.

So for the first time ever Billy called out of work and headed immediately over to Izzy's apartment, trying not to throw up from being so sick with worry. Izzy had to be alright. She was Izzy. Maybe she was hurt or her phone was busted or something but she had to be okay because she was Izzy.

Pretty much running up to her door he took a moment to try and calm him self before he knocked on the door, even if it almost sounded like pounding on it with how nervous he was.

[seveninches]

In the beginning her phone had just about driven her mad with the amount of vibrating it was doing, but Isabelle has long since fixed that problem. It's been laying in a crushed heap on her bedroom floor for a day now, blissfully silent. She's supposed to be at the shop today but Isabelle ca't think of anything worse than standing around smiling brightly while people get dressed, so she doesn't go. There's probably a good few messages from Kate on her phone but she'll apologise later, if she ever decides to leave her room.

She's been laying on her bed and staring at the ceiling for hours. Sometimes the ceiling is just that, other times is dissolves into things she remembers seeing, images flashing before her eyes. She loses herself in them, in reliving a life she was taken from. A life in which she lost Max, the boy who meant everything to her.

Someones knocks at her door and Isabelle blinks but refuses to answer. Alec never bothers to knock and she can't bear the idea of seeing anyone else.

[sayshazam]

Billy pressed his ear to the door and tried to hear anything on the other side. What if Izzy was in there hurt or something and couldn't get to her phone or the door? It was a dumb thought because a million other things were most likely but it was what Billy was afraid of the most.

"Izzy?" he called out, stepping back and looking at the door. He could smash it down, probably as Billy and definitely as Shazam, but he didn't want to. He didn't want that to be necessary. Billy would rather she suddenly hated him and wanted nothing to do with him for some reason than to have her hurt or worse.

"Izzy it's Billy. Are you in there? Please, just let me know if you're- if you're alive," he said, thudding his head against the door as he tried not hold off all the black thoughts that were ready to consume him. "Please? Please be alive..."

[seveninches]

Billy. Please be alive, he says, and Isabelle feels tears stinging the back of her eyes again, threatening to fall. She blinks rapidly and swallows, pushing the urge away. She's alive, Max isn't, and the grief is overwhelming but she's not about to go to pieces in front of anyone, not even Billy.

She's kept from seeing anyone else, locked herself in her room and ignored all calls and messages, even to the extent of breaking her phone, but this is different. Isabelle had been determined to ride this out on her own but it would be cruel to Billy to push him away now. She remembers how this had happened back home, how she'd refused to see anyone until Simon had pushed his way into her room and her life, and she has to shove that memory away, too. It's confusing and it's the last thing she needs right now.

Instead, she forces herself to get up out of bed and go to the door. She knows she must look a mess but she doesn't have time to fix herself up first. "I'm alive," she says, unlocking the door and pulling it open. He looks like he was considering breaking the thing down, and for a moment she wants nothing more than to fall against him and let him hold her, but she forces herself to stay on her own two feet.