Dated January 10, 2017

[seveninches]

It had seemed like a good enough way to kick off the new year. The flying monkey bat things at Kagura on New Years Eve had been fun, had given Isabelle cause to get her whip out again, but it wasn't quite the same. It was a relatively easy fight, nothing like the kind of high she gets when fighting demons. Which is why it hadn't taken long for her to ask Alec to go out, and he had readily agreed. Isabelle knows she can always count on Alec to be behind her in a fight, and she knows that on some level, even he gets restless in this city.

The night starts off normally enough. They both armed themselves, dressed in their gear and headed out. Demons were starting to appear less frequently in Darrow but they still cropped up on the odd occasion, and Isabelle was glad that tonight appears to be one of them. Her necklace hummed at her throat and together they followed it to the edge of the city, their footsteps silent on the street.

The demon, once they found it, was particularly horrible. Every time she sees a new one Isabelle thinks they can't possibly get any grosser, but they always seem to find a way to surpass her expectations. It looked like a giant slug, its body covered in rows upon rows of suckers that Isabelle had no intention of finding out the purpose of. It was faceless, or eyeless at the least, but on both ends was a gaping mouth with rimmed with what looked like shark's teeth. Its back was lined with sharp, dagger-looking wings, more of them than Isabelle could count. Isabelle cast a quick glance towards Alec, but he was stony-faced, an arrow already nocked.

The demon lunged at them quickly, and Isabelle was surprised with the speed at which it moved, considering its lumbering size. She dodged and it missed her narrowly enough that she felt its breath hot and disgusting, saw yellow drool dripping from its mouth. Isabelle flung her whip out but Alec was faster, embedding an arrow in the demon's mouth. It reared back and Alec shot again at the same time as Isabelle brought her whip down, feeling it cut through layers of demon flesh. Demon ichor sprayed out and Isabelle almost gagged at the smell. She'd need a hardcore rune to get the smell and stains out of her gear later, but for now that hardly mattered.

"Alec, move!" she shouted as the demon went for him, obviously in pain but not about to give up yet. Alec backed up a little, arrow after arrow flying from his bow and thudding into the demon's flesh, but it kept moving. Gritting her teeth, Isabelle raced forward and brought her whip down in a flash with all her strength. The demon sliced in half, shuddering and twitching and hissing in pain. Isabelle grimaced and glanced toward Alec to make sure it hadn't touched him. She was only distracted for half a second but the demon writhed and gave one last lunge, sinking sharp teeth into her leg. Isabelle screamed, bringing her whip down hard and forcing it to release her, but she could feel herself collapsing at the same time. She fell back, dimly hearing Alec shout her name but she was already drifting, her breathing coming in sharp bursts, her eyes slipping closed.

And she remembered. There had been a time almost exactly like this, she knew. Not in Darrow but home, in Hell, of all places. She remembers the stink of the air, how hard it was to breathe under the suffocating weight of it. She remembers Alec, heartbroken and so determined to find Magnus. She remembers the desperation in Clary's eyes, the fierceness in Jace's. She remembers them all marching in to Hell to save their friends, knowing that there was a good chance none of them would come back.

Isabelle convulses on the ground and she knows Alec is there, calling to her, but she's stuck, watching flashes of thoughts and memories that she doesn't remember having racing through her mind. She remembers Sebastian, his disguise gone and his hair as silver as Valentine's, his eyes cruel. And she remembers Max, remembers the way he looked at her the last time she saw him, remembers going to his funeral and feeling like a part of her soul had been torn out. She might die here, she thinks idly, but that seems suddenly to matter far less in the shadow of the knowledge that Max died first, that it was her who was supposed to protect him and she failed.

Slowly she comes to, fuelled back to consciousness by the pain in her leg. It doesn't make any sense but she knows that the memories are real, knows that it's the piece of the puzzle she's been missing this whole time, the piece that Magnus had so carefully kept hidden from them.


ooc: Isabelle has been canon updated to near the end of the TMI series: this comes with the knowledge that her baby brother died, among other things. Trace if you want to play from here I'm down with it, otherwise anyone can feel free to come upon the scene or find her at any time later, where she'll more than likely have locked herself in her room. I'm open to whatever is convenient for your pups, though. Twitter me if any questions <3

Comments

[seveninches]

He doesn't tell her she's crazy, and for that, she's grateful. Clary was lucky, Isabelle thinks vaguely. She was always lucky, but Luke is a better parent than Robert could ever hope to be. He doesn't know the details but he's here, holding her hand and going along with her, no matter how crazy it might sound.

"I saw everything," she says, squeezing his hand a little unconsciously. "All the things I couldn't remember before." Couldn't remember she says, but she hadn't lived them before. Somehow, this city had taken her early but there's a version of her that lived on back home and fought in two wars and lost her brother and apparently, dated Simon. That's hardly the most important thing right now, but it's just another thing that's fighting for attention in her brain right now.

Luke had come from before her even, so had Alec, but Magnus had lived through all of that too, knows everything that she now remembers. "Valentine let the demons into Alicante and Sebastian killed Max, he's dead, Luke." He died moments after she was knocked out, moments before she woke up in Darrow. If she'd just held out a bit longer, if she'd done her job and overpowered Sebastian, he'd be alive.

[notaretriever]

Luke has heard of that happening, of people remembering things that occurred after their arrival in Darrow, but he's never known anyone personally who has been through it. From time to time he's wished he could remember, mostly so he can know for certain, feel it in his bones that both Jocelyn and Clary are safe, but he'd taken Magnus at his word and had decided it's better to believe than to worry.

But to actually remember is something else entirely.

Valentine. Somehow he isn't surprised to find he's behind all of this and while he still doesn't know who Sebastian is, he can only imagine what he's capable of if he's in league with a man like Valentine.

"He brought down the wards," he says, wondering how that's even possible. "And he... Isabelle, I'm so sorry." He doesn't doubt what she's saying because he knows Valentine, he knows how awful he is, what lengths he'll go to in order to get what he wants. That includes doing away with any Shadowhunters who get in his way.

[seveninches]

Sorry doesn't cut it, but Isabelle knows he means well. Nothing is going to make this better, so she can't expect anything more from him. Luke has been something of a father figure to her since she arrived in Darrow and she wants so desperately for him to have some magic fix, to be able to say something to make it better, tell her that it's just the city playing tricks on her again. But she can't expect anyone to fix this, not even Luke.

"It was my job to protect him," she says, determined not to cry but hearing her voice threaten to break. She was the only one there, the one who should have protected him from Sebastian, and she didn't. She let Sebastian get the better of her because she thought he could be trusted. Isabelle spent her life deciding she could never trust anyone, and the second she let her guard down, she was proven right.

She thinks about Darrow, about how soft she's let it make her, and she grits her teeth. She let Sebastian into her home and her life and he killed her baby brother. She's not going to make that mistake again.

[notaretriever]

"Isabelle, no," he says and his voice is still soft, but firm. Shifting on the ground, he moves so he's sitting beside her and wraps one arm around her carefully, tugging her against him if she's willing to go. They're going to get help and she's going to be fine physically, he has absolutely no doubt of that, but this is more than just a physical wound. This is something that's going to cut through to her heart and never leave.

She's going to blame herself. Nothing he says will change that, nothing Alec says will change that. There are things Luke will always blame himself for, things he'll always carry and this will be the same for her.

"Sebastian is to blame for this. Valentine is to blame for this." And if he ever dares show his face here, Luke will tear him apart.

[seveninches]

He wraps an arm around her and Isabelle doesn't hug him back, not exactly, but she does let herself lean into his arms. Her leg hurts and her mind is a mess and she thinks she's allowed one tiny measure of comfort, but that's all. She won't let him see her cry, she won't let anyone see that.

Luke doesn't even know Sebastian, it occurs to her dimly. He doesn't even know him and yet he's so insistent that this is his fault, not hers. He can't know, none of them can understand what she failed to do. Except for Magnus, who hasn't seemed particularly fazed by the loss at all, certainly not enough to tell them the truth.

"I still should have done better," she argues, because it's the truth, there's no getting around that. She's trained her whole life for a fight like that, and she still allowed herself to be taken by surprise. "If I killed him when I was supposed to Max would still be alive, you and Magnus wouldn't have gone to hell..." she frowns, the memories flicking across her mind. Maybe back home it had been Clary who fought tooth and nail to get Luke back but with the relationship they have now, Isabelle thinks she'd be the same, given the chance.

[notaretriever]

The words register, but they're unimportant at this moment, something he'll ask her about later, when the time is right. There is so much he doesn't know that she might, but it can wait. Her distress is far more important in the moment than his desire to know what she means when she says he and Magnus went to hell.

"I don't know Sebastian," he says gently, speaking against her hair. He hopes Alec gets back with Magnus soon, he's worried about her leg. "But I know Valentine better than almost anyone and I know from personal experience how twisted he is, how much evil he's capable of. I know how he insinuates himself in situations and uses manipulation and lies to get people on his side. If he and Sebastian are working together, then I can't imagine he's anything but the same, and it is not your fault. They are the ones who are wrong, the ones who hurt you, who hurt your family, the ones who hurt Max. They're awful people, Isabelle, and I'm so sorry about Max, I'm so sorry you're hurting, and I know nothing I say will make you feel any less responsible, but please try to remember, they're truly the worst of humanity. They're the ones at fault."

[seveninches]

She forgets, sometimes, that Luke knows Valentine better than any of them, knows exactly what he's capable of. It doesn't make her feel less guilty, but she does appreciate that he at least knows well enough to blame Valentine, too. If she ever sees either of them again, she's going to tear their limbs off one by one with her whip and not bat an eye, but she doesn't know that she'll ever get the chance. Luke would probably call that unhealthy, so she doesn't say that part aloud.

"His son," she says, and she cringes when she says it. Jace might have been raised by Valentine but he was nowhere near his son like Sebastian is. Once, Isabelle wouldn't have thought a person could be worse than Valentine, but his son is, ten times over. His son turned her whole world upside down, killed so many people and ruined the lives of so many more. Isabelle remembers the coldness of Sebastian's eyes, the twist of his lips, and shivers.

"He's worse than Valentine, I think," she says. She's glad that this version of Luke has never had to meet him, glad that this Luke never had to watch his sister turn dark at his hands. She wonders if he would want to know that, but she can't bring herself to say it now. Maybe he'd hate her for it, the way she feels a sting of hatred when she thinks about how long Magnus kept this secret from her. Maybe that says something about how unfair she's being, but she can't bring herself to think about that, not yet.

[notaretriever]

His son.

All this time Luke has been thinking Jace was Valentine's son and he can't even begin to comprehend the complicated nature of what he's being told now. It doesn't matter in the moment, it doesn't matter how confused he might be or what else he wants to know, because Isabelle is more important than any of that.

And it doesn't surprise him either to say Valentine's son is worse than Valentine himself. Jace had the influence of the Lightwoods and while Luke has never thought highly of Robert or Maryse, while he's considered them both cold and unpleasantly cruel toward their own children, Jace had Isabelle and Alec and Max. If he'd only ever had Valentine, he would have been very different. Like this Sebastian, he suspects.

"It doesn't surprise me that Valentine would raise his son to be just like him," he says softly. What a waste. What a horrible thing to have done to a child. "You can be certain they'll pay for what they've done. If not here..." He leaves the threat unspoken. Maybe they can't do anything about it here, but he knows someone will beat them, take them down, destroy them. No one can be so evil and get away with it forever.